fandomonymous (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
fandomonymous) wrote2015-12-31 11:06 pm
fandomonymous) wrote2015-12-31 11:06 pm
planned, done, now to study before adjustment
(yes i live a life where i now think in process improvement terms, oh god)
So. 2015.
The year started off pretty awful; I had just kicked out my then brother-in-law from my house, my then partner didn't understand how to prioritize our relationship, I was unemployed after being fired from my first ~real job (which I hadn't even realized was a COMPLETELY AWFUL PLACE for me), and barely getting by with my parents' money and a few hours of tutoring under another boss who just never liked me. I was emotionally cheating, generally anxious, and just a total mess.
Within a month, it was so bad that I got into a car crash that totaled my car. I was always uncomfortable driving, but that pushed things over the edge. I'm still legally in a bit of an awkward spot due to it, my left knee aches a bit on rainy days, and seeing aggressive driving near me when I'm in a car puts my teeth on edge.
A month after that, my then-partner physically cheated on me while on a business trip, and I decided to stop the sunk cost fallacy, eight years and change in. I started being honest to some people about the fact that I was capable of being in love with more than one person at once, and I started searching for work without constraints of geography. (As I wrote then elsewhere: "Freedom to recreate myself and pursue whatever I want just sounds inviting right now. A change of scenery sounds wonderful, too.")
A month after that, I put myself in a small amount of debt to go to Boston. I didn't get what I originally signed up for from it, but the freedom to interact with new people intimately and to walk around a city on my own terms was incredibly empowering, even in the bitter cold.
Two months after that, I was at IRDC talking roguelike with wonderful people, which has its own post on my more public DW.
A week after IRDC, I was back in New York, chasing a job I'm now glad I didn't get. I fumbled around some more, including the consequences of what /actually/ happened in Boston which taught me the required hard lesson in polyamory, aka "always be sure the metamour is ACTUALLY informed and consenting, kthx". I reconnected with old friends, including one I'd had an unfortunate break with when I was 19 because I was dumb when I was 19. I learned the extent to which exploring the city is self-care for me (a fuck ton).
I started dating my local cuties in early September, and started my job a week later, and the rest is adjusting to having so much of the dream actually unfold, while working on the rest.
I've got an offer on a badass co-op unit across the street from the subway (with the help of my parents). I've got two lovers that fill me with joy, and got to kiss a lot of lovely folks (and a handful of not-so-lovely folks, but each one was an important life lesson). I've got a job that's fulfilling but also not exhausting, engaging enough and yet low key enough to feel like I can actually hold onto it, that pays enough that I paid off my debts from Boston very quickly and can work on some other financial goals. There's good anime on my hard drive and pretty pigments on my face and nails.
I think life's pretty good, but I know it can get better.I'd like to spend the next year figuring out what my habits really are, from the other side, after all the adjustments have been made. Learn who I've become, so I can improve further.
I've got some big plans this coming year - besides that co-op, I've got at least three trips out of the city planned (one in April to Boston to get what I was supposed to get last time; once sometime in the summer to Florida to greet old friends, move a pile of nouns, and watch someone dear to me get married; and then Boston again in November forrax's fabulous sounding CGR.) I'm already brainstorming for my birthday in July, and how I'll get lots of the lovely people in my life in one place at one time.
I'd like to have enough money and vacation time saved that in 2017 or 2018 I can seriously consider heading to Europe, eating food and touring soccer stadiums. I'd like to do more reading and writing. I'd like to put a significant dent in my makeup and origami paper collections. But to do those things, I've gotta observe my current state, and figure out what needs improving.
Let's explore 2016 together, dear friends. Watch this space for observations.
So. 2015.
The year started off pretty awful; I had just kicked out my then brother-in-law from my house, my then partner didn't understand how to prioritize our relationship, I was unemployed after being fired from my first ~real job (which I hadn't even realized was a COMPLETELY AWFUL PLACE for me), and barely getting by with my parents' money and a few hours of tutoring under another boss who just never liked me. I was emotionally cheating, generally anxious, and just a total mess.
Within a month, it was so bad that I got into a car crash that totaled my car. I was always uncomfortable driving, but that pushed things over the edge. I'm still legally in a bit of an awkward spot due to it, my left knee aches a bit on rainy days, and seeing aggressive driving near me when I'm in a car puts my teeth on edge.
A month after that, my then-partner physically cheated on me while on a business trip, and I decided to stop the sunk cost fallacy, eight years and change in. I started being honest to some people about the fact that I was capable of being in love with more than one person at once, and I started searching for work without constraints of geography. (As I wrote then elsewhere: "Freedom to recreate myself and pursue whatever I want just sounds inviting right now. A change of scenery sounds wonderful, too.")
A month after that, I put myself in a small amount of debt to go to Boston. I didn't get what I originally signed up for from it, but the freedom to interact with new people intimately and to walk around a city on my own terms was incredibly empowering, even in the bitter cold.
Two months after that, I was at IRDC talking roguelike with wonderful people, which has its own post on my more public DW.
A week after IRDC, I was back in New York, chasing a job I'm now glad I didn't get. I fumbled around some more, including the consequences of what /actually/ happened in Boston which taught me the required hard lesson in polyamory, aka "always be sure the metamour is ACTUALLY informed and consenting, kthx". I reconnected with old friends, including one I'd had an unfortunate break with when I was 19 because I was dumb when I was 19. I learned the extent to which exploring the city is self-care for me (a fuck ton).
I started dating my local cuties in early September, and started my job a week later, and the rest is adjusting to having so much of the dream actually unfold, while working on the rest.
I've got an offer on a badass co-op unit across the street from the subway (with the help of my parents). I've got two lovers that fill me with joy, and got to kiss a lot of lovely folks (and a handful of not-so-lovely folks, but each one was an important life lesson). I've got a job that's fulfilling but also not exhausting, engaging enough and yet low key enough to feel like I can actually hold onto it, that pays enough that I paid off my debts from Boston very quickly and can work on some other financial goals. There's good anime on my hard drive and pretty pigments on my face and nails.
I think life's pretty good, but I know it can get better.I'd like to spend the next year figuring out what my habits really are, from the other side, after all the adjustments have been made. Learn who I've become, so I can improve further.
I've got some big plans this coming year - besides that co-op, I've got at least three trips out of the city planned (one in April to Boston to get what I was supposed to get last time; once sometime in the summer to Florida to greet old friends, move a pile of nouns, and watch someone dear to me get married; and then Boston again in November for
rax's fabulous sounding CGR.) I'm already brainstorming for my birthday in July, and how I'll get lots of the lovely people in my life in one place at one time. I'd like to have enough money and vacation time saved that in 2017 or 2018 I can seriously consider heading to Europe, eating food and touring soccer stadiums. I'd like to do more reading and writing. I'd like to put a significant dent in my makeup and origami paper collections. But to do those things, I've gotta observe my current state, and figure out what needs improving.
Let's explore 2016 together, dear friends. Watch this space for observations.