fandomonymous

so august happened.

My dad got back from the Camino and promptly left again to Florida. This is fine, but also feels weird, partly because of his lack of involvement in what this month is doing.
In the interim, I told him I wanted to move and he was quiet and a little hesitant but otherwise supportive. My mom was in the next room (on an open floor plan) but claimed not to have heard when I told him. I spent a week researching apartments, found one I thought I like, and when I told my mom I was moving she then flipped the fuck out. Interestingly, it's not because I wanted to move, as much as it was she thought I was wasting my money and effort, and wants...well, the details are too complex for this, but basically she wants some control over the process of my moving, in exchange for me getting a much better place than I could on my own. Whether that means the down payment of a purchased coop or just a really nice apartment we'd split rent on is up in the air, but either way, yeah.
I then didn't get the apartment I was speaking of, not because of her feelings as much as because the place turned out to be in shittier condition on second viewing than I thought. And I was grinding HARD on finding a place that worked for me, and this one was the first one to pop up in my price range that wasn't terrible on first glance, and.
Everyone who isn't my parents feels sad for me, partly because I really really REALLY got my hopes up and have been talking really intensely about wanting to move for a while. My mom is actually grateful the place didn't work out, and is trying to sweeten her deal.
I'm so tired of thinking about all of this, so I might just do it her way to save myself the spoons. I feel like I'm losing something by doing this, but also I'm losing, like, being perpetually anxious and dealing with the sharks that constitute this entire real estate market.
I've been phoning in literally everything else in the meanwhile - doing the bare minimum at work, ignoring hobbies and friends, being barely present in my relationships. It's kind of ass, but i've been so damn exhausted, sigh.
Interestingly, the one exception has been vanity. I've bought new makeup for the first time in a while, I've done some minor refreshing on my wardrobe. I'm simultaneously being pulled in more femme (see the makeup, knee high stripey socks, nail polish) and more not-femme-at-all (too big for me Doc Martens) directions and it's kind of fascinating.
One of my friends has started streaming on Twitch each evening and I've been taking part in/moderating his chat when I can, though, so that's nice. Our feelings about each other are kind of weird and complicated, but in the streamer-regular dynamic we're very comfortable, and his other regulars are decent enough people.
I didn't do much for gishwhes, but it was kind of neat while it lasted.
I pretty much missed the eclipse, but also it was only 70% ish here and it was during a work day. Kit went to see totality and seemed to have a really lovely time, though the rest of their trip was a weird adventure for other reasons I won't discuss here.

bluh